Regrets

6 nov 2013.

Been about 2 years since my last post. After what happen to me and friends around me I suddenly understand why people have so much regrets as they grow older.

Maybe now I'm wiser by abit but I'm still single and been looking back on alot of things.. Just wish I'm attach somehow..

Too many things to regret.. Now I'm nowhere better than the 2 years me..

Why? Why did u SMS and ask me again? Why is it always question? Why is it alway abt how I think how I feel? After so many weeks and telling you so many times don't u get it?

Why can't u said you wish to get back? Why can't you said you will change or something like I miss you very much and still love you alot can u give me another chance?

I'm not enjoying all of these. Don't you even realize that you are just pushing me away..

This time it's a decision I will not change.


Take care..

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Saw ur SMS when I woke up today.
I was surprise to see your SMS and the thanks for taking care of you for the past 1.5yrs.
Wanted to reply but I didn't know what to said..
Sorry will always be my word to you no matter it's now or the future. I seriously think it's the most selfish way by not patching back but also the best for both of us.




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14 April 2011. They day I deleted myself from ur fb as requested by you. Deleted photos that I tagged you.

Just Zhenzhen got it right. I'm just pretending that I don't care.

Night..

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So many a time, I could have just forget abt what happened and get back together but I didn't. Why? Maybe I really do not want to go through the whole process again and the end result would be the same.

Till today, she still feel that everything I said is a lie. Well, all I can said is I never felt the trust from day one.

So many yrs has pass w so many r/s but I'm still alone. So I guess something like that I just have to bite on and move on with my life.

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Stare blankly into the sky.. Something I nvr done before.. I saw the emails she sent to me... Sometimes I ask myself.. Did I make the right choice in gg into this relationship?

I always wish there is a time machine which allow me to go back in time to correct the mistake that I make.. This time I really wish there is one.. So that we would not be so hurt..

To patch or not? This sentence has been in my mind the whole time.. 1 side said yes the other said no.. My no factors out-weight the yes. I really don't what to do or said..

Never call anyone or inform anyone expect dropped zhenzhen a text about our broke off. I don't what is stopping me but maybe I just want to be alone.. Go to a place where I can be alone but I can't..

Planning to get marry.. Something I never though of till her but in the end I have to force myself to let everything go.. It really hurts alot. I know how much I'm hurting her too but I really hope some day she will understand.. For now, I hope she will remain strong.. Texted her last night and the only reply I got was "I will take care of myself and thanks"

I know she is still crying. I really wish I can go over and give her a big hug and tell her I still love her. I just do not know why am I torturing both of us. Am I making the right choice?

Everything feel so different.. So empty inside me.. No one to look forward to. Just work to keep my busy from staring in space and feeling sad..

We talked yesterday.. Or rather she was the one who wanted to talk and get back together but I did not said anything.

I know that was the chance for us to get back again.. But why didn't I? I can only said is this time round I'm unsure.. I miss her, I still love her but the thought of us going through all of these over and over again is unbearable for me..

As much as I want to be hug her and tell her that everything is alright, I didn't. The only thing that is in my mind now is for her to go back.. I can't give her the happiness she want nor do I want her to suffer here.. Selfish thinking? I guess so.. I guess I just do not want her to go through everything over and over again. She has suffer enough for the past 1.5yrs in this relationship.

Time for me to be a man let her go. I know she will feel very hurt and I really do hope she hate me but at the same time I hope she understand that all I want is to see the smile back on her face. Been with me for the past 1.5yrs has been very stressful to both of us. The only reason why till today I can still handle all these partly is because my family, friends and everything is here.. Who and what does she have? She do not even have a house which she can call home..

I do not know if she will resign and go back but I do hope she will. At least leave this sad place, back to a place where it would bring back her smile.

The only way to feel better is to blog.. A blog which no one will read but I know when I look back I will remember all those things that happened..

I really wish I can tell her I'm sorry for hurting you so much. Although I still love you, it's this love that make me so heartless to let you go..In the hope that you will live a life happier than been with me. I know now you will know not feel this way but I just hope that 6 months to a year from now, you will enjoy your life better than been with me so that all these that I have done would be worth it.

Wah.. My last post was year 2009.. That was about my first HR job.. Now, I'm about 2yrs in this line, pay wise well it has increase quite alot as for experience wise, I really learn alot. From a don't know anything to someone who is working in RWS and in-charge of all the foreign workers pass and etc.. It's not an easy job especially when there is about 3000 in total foreign workers including those expat.

The first day since about 2 yrs i blog and also the day we broke off. Been together for about 1.5yrs. Actually we have been quarreling and arguing at least twice a month.. The old me would have want to get out of the relationship 6months into it if something like that keep happening but I guess I really just find it tough to just let it go. This time I really put in my future and feeling into it but as usual, everything go back to square one..

I do not know what will happen from here on but finally I'm able to go for my degree. Something which I wanted to do since I completed my NS. My results since primary 4 haven been that good.. I would said if i can manage a pass I should be happy but this time round I really have to work triple hard to score and when I mean score I mean I must get my first class honors. I know it's not easy moreover my work load is so heavy but this is my last chance to get a good result so that at the very least I see a light in my future..

I guess I really have to learn to let her go coz I'm the one causing all these pain to her. Now since we break off, she can go back and be with her parents so she would not have to suffer so much.
I wanted to tell her all these and said I'm sorry but guess the word sorry doesn't really help..